How Religious Patriarchy Affects Men: Are They Victims Too?

When we discuss religious patriarchy, the conversation often centers around its impact on women and gender minorities.

However, it’s extremely important to recognize that patriarchal structures within high-control religions can be very harmful to men as well.

In this article, I’ll be guiding you through an often-overlooked aspect of religious trauma — the impact of religious patriarchy on men — and how, by working together, we can foster collective healing from its harmful effects.

The Paradox of Power in Religious Patriarchy

At first glance, it might seem that men reap only rewards from religious patriarchal systems.

After all, these structures often place men in positions of authority and leadership. However, this power often comes at a significant cost to their emotional and relational well-being.

A male member of our community recently shared a poignant perspective:

"Being a church-going man sucked because even though on one hand they tell you you're a leader, have authority, etc. on the other you're told that you're a broken sinner, can't do anything without God, and that all of your natural desires are a sin."

This perspective reveals a paradox: men are told they’re leaders, yet simultaneously broken and powerless.

They’re expected to hold authority in the realm of morality, yet are told their natural desires are sinful.

They’re positioned as the providers in their households but end up in a loop of constant striving because “all blessings come from God.”

These contradictions can lead to a deep sense of inadequacy and confusion about one’s role and worth.

They also create intense cognitive dissonance that results in chronic stress, mental health problems, and relational trauma.

The Psychological Toll of Religious Patriarchy on Men

Religious patriarchy can have significant negative effects on men’s psychological and emotional well-being.

Here are some specific ways these structures can harm men:

• Emotional Suppression: 
  Men are often taught to hide their emotions, leading to difficulty in expressing vulnerability or seeking help.
  
  
• High-Pressure Expectations: 
  The pressure to be a strong, unwavering leader can be overwhelming and unrealistic.
  
  
• Guilt and Shame:
  Natural desires and emotions are often labeled as sinful, leading to shame and even self-loathing.
  
  
• Loneliness and Isolation:
  The inability to show weakness can result in superficial relationships and a lack of genuine connection, even with romantic partners.
  
  
• Constant Sense of Inadequacy:
  The gap between the ideal of a “godly man” and human reality can lead to persistent feelings of failure.
  
  
• Identity Crisis: 
  Men may struggle with their sense of self when their personal values or experiences don’t align with the prescribed religious ideals of masculinity.
  
  
• Career Limitations:
  Some men might feel pressured to pursue religious vocations or leadership roles, even if it doesn’t align with their true passions or skills.
  
  
• Financial Stress: 
  The expectation to be the primary provider can lead to significant financial pressure, especially in single-income households.
  
  
• Mental Health Stigma: 
  Men may be even less likely to seek help for mental health issues due to the expectation of unwavering strength and the stigma associated with vulnerability.
  
  
• Intergenerational Trauma:
  Men may perpetuate harmful patterns learned from religious patriarchy, potentially causing harm to their own children and damaging these relationships in lasting ways.
  
  
• Sexual Shame: 
  Natural sexual desires are often demonized, leading to deep-seated shame and difficulties in intimate relationships, including sexual shame, which I write about in more detail HERE.

It's important to note that men from marginalized communities may face unique challenges due to both patriarchal structures and other forms of oppression, further compounding these issues.

For instance, men of color may face additional pressures to conform to both religious and cultural expectations of masculinity.

And LGBTQ+ men in patriarchal religious environments often experience heightened levels of shame and conflict between their identity and religious teachings.

Additionally, men with disabilities might struggle with feelings of inadequacy due to ableist interpretations of religious texts that equate physical prowess with spiritual worth.

The Systemic Nature of Religious Patriarchy

It’s important to understand that the harm caused by patriarchal religious structures isn’t just about individual actions or “toxic masculinity.”

It operates at a societal level, shaping behaviors and expectations across cultures and reinforcing rigid gender roles and power dynamics.

Feminist thinker bell hooks emphasizes that patriarchy harms everyone by enforcing a dehumanizing system that restricts both men and women.

While patriarchal structures have clearly oppressed women and gender minorities, they also place significant emotional and psychological burdens on men.

As we recognize the collective harm patriarchy causes, it becomes clear that our approach to healing must also be collective.

Breaking free from these structures requires more than personal introspection—it calls for a community-wide effort to redefine masculinity, challenge harmful norms, and support each other in our healing journeys.

Breaking the Cycle: Healing Practices for Men

Healing from religious trauma, particularly the trauma tied to religious patriarchy, is a deeply personal journey.

However, there are several concrete steps men can take to support their recovery, and by taking these steps collectively, we can begin to dismantle the harmful systems that affect us all:

Acknowledge the Trauma:

The first step is recognizing that the pressures and expectations placed on you by patriarchal religious structures were harmful.

This isn’t about blaming yourself—it’s about understanding the larger system at play and how it has affected your life.

Redefine Masculinity:

Challenge the harmful notions of masculinity ingrained by religious patriarchy.

This redefinition can be a powerful step toward healing and involves exploring positive, non-patriarchal expressions of masculinity.

• Embrace vulnerability and emotional expression as spiritual strengths.
• Value nurturing and caregiving roles traditionally associated with femininity.
• Reinterpret religious texts to emphasize compassion, equality, and mutual respect.
• Seek spiritual communities that promote gender equality and diverse expressions of masculinity.
  
  

Engage in Therapy or Support Groups:

Religious trauma is complex, and seeking help from a therapist who understands these dynamics can provide a safe space for healing.

Support groups with others who have experienced religious trauma can also offer valuable camaraderie.

Explore and Express Emotions:

Learning to identify and express emotions in healthy ways is crucial for healing.

Start by allowing yourself to feel without judgment, and practice sharing your emotions with trusted people.

Practice Self-Compassion:

Healing is a process that requires patience and kindness toward yourself.

Recognize that it’s okay to have setbacks and that recovery isn’t linear.

Take Collective Action:

Healing from religious patriarchy doesn’t happen in isolation.

By joining or fostering communities that value gender equality and inclusivity, you contribute to breaking the larger cycle of harm.

This collective action creates spaces where all people can heal from religious trauma together.

Moving Forward: Embracing Collective Healing

Religious patriarchy impacts people not only at the individual level, but it impacts entire communities as well, influencing our understanding of gender, power, and worth.

Therefore, healing from this harm is both an individual and collective journey.

By broadening our understanding of how religious patriarchy affects men, we create space for more inclusive and compassionate healing approaches.

As we challenge harmful religious ideologies, it’s essential that we cultivate environments where everyone feels seen, supported, and valued in their unique struggles with religious trauma.

Collective healing strengthens our communities by ensuring that no one’s experience is overlooked.

It invites us all—men, women, and gender minorities—to participate in a shared journey of recovery and growth.

Together, we can break the cycles.

Content Disclaimer:

This blog post shares insights from my clinical experience & professional education in exploring key topics related to religious harm recovery. However, it is not intended as academic writing or formal research. For more information, please see the full disclaimer.

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